Pregnant? Don’t Ask….

How many of us have been asked ‘that dreaded question’ when greeted by a friend, a relative or a stranger? The question that makes your stomach flip, your throat get tight, and your eyes dart around for a quick escape….. ‘Are you pregnant?’

Regardless of whether you do or don’t want children, Don't Askwhether you are trying to conceive, or worse, you have experienced fertility challenges or loss. Is there ever a right time and place to ask this question?

The discomfort; the shame; the embarrassment; that small pause after those words have escaped, feeling suddenly exposed. Closed with a question mark and now waiting for an answer. What to say, how to respond. The burden should not be ours, it’s theirs.

For reasons that I do not understand, some feel it is socially acceptable to pose such a query. Whether based on visual clues or even just a simple guess or mere curiosity, the intrusion into such a personal topic does not appear to be a welcome guest.

This one question reminds us of what we don’t have, or possibly never can. The one that infers that something is missing, an unfulfilled destiny, that we are doing something wrong. It might be a little extra weight, a new diet, or perhaps we just don’t want to say. Do not take these as open cues, to question our position, or to pry without permission. If and when we do decide to talk to you, and open up, we will do this at our own will.

So take heed, don’t ask the question and wait to be told.  Please understand if we don’t respond with enthusiasm, and perhaps the answer is just something we prefer not to share.

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  2 comments for “Pregnant? Don’t Ask….

  1. Relle
    April 1, 2015 at 8:23 PM

    For five years whilst going through IVF I faced the inappropriate questions from the most remote acquaintances yet what was worse was the isolation I felt when people close to me would hide their pregnancies. Obviously they didn’t want to hurt my feelings yet it was something I was bound to know eventually. Just because my life was facing obstacles I still wanted to rejoice in my good friends joy.

  2. July 6, 2015 at 1:17 PM

    I agree, no one should ever ask or comment on whether someone is pregnant unless the person has announced it already! A work acquaintance once said to me “oh, and I hear you are pregnant…” which was upsetting since I very definitely am not! Think she might have mixed me up with someone else. But what a stupid thing to say!!

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