Strength and Resolve

The entire concept of fertility and infertility is such a closed subject. Women and their families hesitate before telling anyone they want to start a family, for fear of things that could go wrong. So many keep their struggles a secret, sometimes never even talking to close family or friends, and silently grieving when things don’t go to plan.

 

Entering the world of ‘trying to conceive’ was finding a secret door, hidden inside was a passage that led to pain, shame and heartbreak.  For many hopeful families, it is a journey that feels never ending, with no right way to turn. Yet these brave families and the women at the forefront stay focused on their final destination and carry forward with their daily lives, never allowing others to see their secret pain, loss or confusion at why this is happening to them.

Strength and resolve

There are some of us, who have spoken out. For me, transparency has been important, with my family, friends and even colleagues, and I appreciate that at times this has been slightly uncomfortable. The cloak and dagger approach I could never commit to, and in some ways it was therapeutic to talk about it, hear others perspectives and just connect. I grieved, I hurt and nonetheless, the expectation is always to stay positive, stay hopeful, look forward and keep your head high. It’s difficult. It’s sometimes not possible. But it’s the only option.

 

With four miscarriages in less than two years, I’ve given myself, my body a break. I am now at a crossroad. Do I try again or do I resolve to end this journey. How many losses can I really cope with, and by trying again, am I setting myself up for failure and more heart ache. I want to stay hopeful, I want to believe we have a real chance of our own family. Yet I hesitate, and I’m afraid. What if that can never happen?

 

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  4 comments for “Strength and Resolve

  1. Astrid Perkins
    March 21, 2015 at 10:12 PM

    I am grateful that I have the opportunity to know real people like you Rachel. You have incredible strength to share your story with people. Too many of us keep them inside. having just lost my mum to asbestos cancer I too have asked the questions of Why? I just do not understand. I hope you do receive all that you wish for. Thanks

    • March 22, 2015 at 5:52 PM

      Thank you for such kind words, and I’m so sorry to hear of your mother. I’m so grateful for your support!

  2. March 21, 2015 at 11:56 PM

    It’s so sad that fertility, loss and infertility is such a taboo subject. I also found strength in transparency, and found it gave me resolve when I thought I had none left. Nearly every time I opened up about the losses we endured, the damage that was done to my body, and the long, hard road to a miracle, I found that women, and surpisingly men, responded in turn. Women that I had been friends with and worked with for years, opening up about the losses they endured too, but had never spoken of. My bravery in speaking was contagious. I was lucky enough that my push to find the man that worked miracles on my damaged body was found after only three losses. I knew something was wrong. As hard as those losses were, it could have been so much worse. I heard those stories often, of women believing that their body had let them down, rather than realising that they too had been damaged by the very Doctors we trusted. I will always be grateful for the group of strangers, who became friends, who offered support, friendship and understanding, while they were struggling with their own painful journey. Rachel is one of these amazing women, we love and hold hope for her miracle to be found.

    • March 22, 2015 at 5:53 PM

      Kylie thank you for your very kind words, and I agree with you. So many people have opened up to me since I’ve started this journey. Its wonderful to meet like minded courageous women like you.

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