Breaking the Silence

break the silenceIn recent weeks the topic of miscarriage and infertility has become widespread news; all as a result of social media King, Mark Zuckerman’s astonishing announcement that he too has suffered the pain of recurrent miscarriage with his wife, Priscilla. This highlighted the reality that miscarriage can happen to anyone, and it does! In fact the current statistics state one in four couples have experienced early pregnancy loss.

As an avid social media user, I have seen flurry of blogs, posts and comments arising in the past weeks, sharing stories and experiences and with compassion and empathy.

Whilst the outpour of support and commentary has been encouraging, yet it does make me wonder. Is this purely from those who have associated with similar experiences, and is it really changing anything outside the world of social media.

The challenge with social media is that you are somewhat hidden; protected even. It could be seen as an unreal world where you can say and sometimes do things that you may not in your ‘real life’ friendship circles.

So are we really breaking this ‘taboo’ around miscarriage?

Are people talking more about their experiences? More importantly who is listening?

I was often told that I should not openly share my excitement around that positive pregnancy test. As a couple we were advised to protect ourselves so vehemently in that first trimester, to carry on as if all is well in the world. But wasn’t alright. Each time, in those first thirteen weeks, I experienced an upheaval of emotions, hormones and physical changes. It has to be one of the most stressful times I have personally ever experienced, yet I should hide this? It doesn’t make sense.

When things go wrong, I wanted the support and understanding of those around me; family, friends, colleagues etc. I would much prefer this to complete oblivion or worse still, speculation.

My desire to have my own baby is still strong and my journey is not yet over; but it has been halted by what I prefer to call a ‘medical malfunction’. When I am finally able to start trying again, I would like to be open and honest about my situation. Yet I wonder how much people want to know?

What drives this discomfort in hearing about fertility struggles and early pregnancy loss?

How can we induce a level of comfort in hearing and accepting that a woman or a couple wishes to share this pain out loud?

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