This week I quietly celebrated my thirty-ninth birthday! I certainly don’t feel close to forty years old! Nonetheless, the years just keep getting shorter and that landmark birthday is fast approaching me.
It has also now been exactly three years that we started this journey, and we are also, next week, hitting a precipice as we find out if we can continue; or if it stops here. It sounds quite daunting, but actually I am okay about reaching this point.
Many women in my situation must (like me) reach a point where there is a need for clarity and control. Until now I have had no control. It has been purely a waiting game, a lot of guessing and sometimes fate. Next week, I will understand for sure if I can proceed down ‘path A’ to give ourselves that last opportunity to start a family. Or, if ‘path A’ is closed, then ‘path B’ offers different opportunities for the future, and this may not include children. I am actually relieved to have a way forward, whichever direction it takes me.
Perhaps I sound a little blasé about this very critical point in our journey – and I can assure you that this is certainly not the case. Personally, this has been the toughest life experience I have ever faced. I appreciate that this is all relative and many have faced much worse. However, this is where I am at right now, and my way of moving forward. Getting to a place where I am content with my current status has not been easy. As you would be well aware from my memoir and earlier blogs, being a mother was my greatest dream. Nevertheless, I am opening up my future to different versions of that dream, and I know I can be creative!
So I am ready, willing and hopeful that whatever the outcome is, I will find my happily ever after, I am confident of that! Que Sera Sera!
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