I sometimes wonder what it means to ‘finish’ this journey. It is almost four years now that we have been on this road, but it feels so much longer. Is there really ever an ending, a final destination? Do those who have succeeded really put the journey behind them; do they feel that they have finally found their way?
I hope so!
I can only dream that one day I will look back and reflect on my experiences, and feel a sense of calm that no matter what, we tried. We fought for our right to have a baby, and whether or not we ever succeed, that fight was worth it somehow. Perhaps I am overzealous in my thinking, but all in all, this journey has made me a different person to what I was before. Whether or not I’m grateful for having been here, I can only hope to find something positive from it all.
The courage to fail
This is true of anyone who has fought the fertility battle. Loss, disappointment and heartbreak are certainly difficult to experience just once in a lifetime. However, for those like me who have now experienced multiple losses, we continue to pick ourselves up and fight another day. We enter each battle, knowing that nothing is ever guaranteed. Wearing our heart on our sleeve, we prepare our emotions and our fragility against the odds. Each time we fall, it hurts, but we are prepared to take that risk, for that one great goal: our Rainbow Baby.
The strength to continue
It would be so easy to walk away, find easier options. Children are certainly not a piece of cake, and being a parent is one of the most treacherous jobs. So why do we push our limits to continue down this path? I guess it is because human nature aspires to procreate, we want to nurture, love and care. That is fundamentally what drives me to continue this long and difficult journey. It is where I pull my strength in those most difficult times; it keeps me steady on the path I am following.
The power of love
Perhaps a cliché, but love truly does conquer all. It is the one constant above everything. Having recognised this has been crucial to my own wellbeing and happiness, no matter what. I would not have survived this journey if it weren’t for my husband, my family and my treasured friends. It would have been so easy to isolate myself from reality, hide away at times from those who cared to support, and yet, it would have been terribly detrimental to the relationships I hold dear in my life. I have learnt that the power of love is stronger than any heartbreak, and without love, it is not worth the journey in the first place.
So whenever and wherever this journey ends, I have the strength to continue, the courage to fail, and the power of love which will see me through.
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