I have travelled this path for some time now. Always searching for my rainbow, hoping that one-day this storm will pass. Many of you have been walking with me; holding my hand when I’ve needed it and urging me to keep walking, when I slowed down. There have been times where I have wanted to turn around, or find a different route; sometimes it has been unclear how far I would need to travel to reach my destination; to find my rainbow.
Last year was a particularly challenging leg of this journey; it really tested my willpower and my hope. There were times where I had felt like giving into the storm or turning back. Towards Christmas, as a couple, we decided to take some shelter for our own well-being, deciding a pause was needed until the New Year. However, Mother Nature clearly didn’t agree with our decision.
Only a few days before Christmas, something was different, in a strange and familiar way. On a whim, we tested, and low and behold, that test was positive. To say we were shocked is an understatement. But as we were forced along this path once more, our celebrations were quickly placed on hold with the discouraging signs that I had experienced in pregnancies past. The year ended with anxiety and despair, our situation seemed hopeless as the New Year clicked over and I felt I would be facing yet another loss.
That is one of the strange mysteries surrounding Mother Nature. Just as I was expecting to face the thick of the storm, the rain clouds miraculously started to scatter, once New Year’s Day passed. With limited expectations, I took an early scan and was given a quiet hope that this pregnancy was still viable and actually growing. We walked slow and steady along the path through the following weeks, celebrating each small milestone. The rain finally stopped as a strong heartbeat was confirmed for the very first time.
As I looked up, I was at last seeing the colours of a rainbow in the distance; the sky seemed to brighten as I walked faster and with growing confidence. Having only reached so far on this journey before, I am now in new territory, but the road is becoming clearer and I’m excited about this part of my journey. I’m not there yet, there is still a long way to go, but I’m determined not to lose sight of that rainbow.
It feels incredibly surreal, but this week I will be twelve weeks pregnant; reaching the end of my first trimester! This road is still long, and perhaps I will face a few more bumps and obstructions along the way; but now I am even more determined to reach that rainbow ahead of me. This journey has been challenging, frustrating and at times desperate, but when I finally reach that beautiful rainbow I promise to never let it go.
My memoir – Finding the Rainbow (available to purchase now)
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