For the past four years my goal has been to get pregnant with my rainbow baby. It has been all I have hoped and dreamed for, and I remained determined never to give up. I was lucky. I fell pregnant easily, but sadly I couldn’t ever seem to stay pregnant, until now.
I count myself even luckier today as I reach my half way point, further than I have ever reached before; many women don’t even get that chance. Some would assume that passing my initial milestones, things would be easy from there onwards, but this journey still continues to test me and my strength towards becoming a mother. Nevertheless, my determination grows stronger each day, as my belly has started to swell and I now feel the tiny movements, reassuring me that I’m carrying the child I had dreamed of for so long now.
The books and fairy tales paint motherhood as such a wonderful journey, full of excitement and fulfilled dreams. Whilst it promises that, there are certainly many anxieties and fears to face along this journey as the little life that grows inside of me offers no predictability and absolute assurance.
I have not had an easy pregnancy, yet still I cannot complain; after all I am pregnant. We have had a few scares along the way, always keeping me on my toes and reminding me not to take this pregnancy for granted – ever!
Every day though I worry, I feel anxious over simple signs, and it feels surreal that in just over four months I will meet my new-born son. All I want is to hold my gorgeous baby, feel that he is real, shower him with affection and truly become the mother I have dreamed to be for so long now.
I am only half way along this road, but I’ve come so far, I’m not giving up now; rain, hail or shine, I am going to reach my rainbow and the pot of gold that is waiting for me at the end – my beautiful baby son!