It feels unreal, but in just over two weeks (could even be less) I will finally get to meet my rainbow baby!
Through everything we have endured, and the obstacles we’ve faced, I now look down at my rounded belly and find myself almost feeling that this is some kind of dream. It seems so hard to fathom that I will be a mother, that I will have my baby – the one I’ve longed to hold for so very long.
Many people have told me that this pregnancy has gone quickly – trust me it hasn’t. Having waited for this moment for so long, I’ve counted down each week and each day, always looking to the distant finish line. Sometimes I felt I would never get there, and at times it hasn’t been an easy road. Nonetheless, I’m grateful for every moment, every test and obstacle we’ve overcome, and my sheer determination never to give up. When I finally do hold my little baby boy, I know that it will all be worth it. We have truly been blessed with this miracle.
I am closer to my rainbow, I can almost reach the colours, and however, I am also aware that there are many women still fighting against their own infertility. That alone reminds me how fortunate I am today. As a couple, we had started to reach a point of acceptance, that perhaps parenthood might not be our destiny. Yet in our hearts we never gave up hope. This pregnancy was a wonderful surprise for us, and there were tense times where I wasn’t sure it would prevail.
As each week progressed, I began to feel closer to our destination, yet the anxiety never disappeared. With each day, I’d grow more connected to my baby, but with that, I feared the worst. It started to become unimaginable should something devastating happen; and I didn’t want to think how I would cope if we had to deal with another loss. Through the months, I watched in wonder as my body changed; I started to feel movements, my belly became rounder and harder and we started to make actual plans for our new baby. I had to believe that fate was in our corner this time. I couldn’t let the fear bring me down.
I’m now in those final weeks of pregnancy, in the ‘safe’ zone as they call it. If I were to go into labour now, the chances of my baby surviving are very high. But what is safe? Until I can actually hold him in my arms, see him and meet him, I know I will never truly relax. This next two weeks will feel like a year I’m sure. Every day I’m one step closer, and whilst patience isn’t my greatest strength, I keep focusing on the date we are booked in for our caesarean section. That day, when I finally get to hold my baby and know that he is safe – it still feels so unreachable right now.